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unpacking the parts
Dec. 29th, 2022 02:24 pmToday I'm focusing on relationship myths, things I used to believe that I'm constantly working on not believing anymore. It's so hard when you saw dysfunction, an dyou there aren't clear signs on what relationships that are healthy should look like. There really is no "should" and I know that, but anyway.
1. Conflict is bad.
I was taught that if you bring conflict up, you're dramatic. Your job is to suck it up. My parents never fought really. I thought that was a sign that they got along so well that they were super healthy. It was the opposite. They never talked to each other. They ignored conflict until it exploded and now they hate each other. When you have two people in a relationship, that's two personalities, and if those personalities are being vulnerable and growing together, there are going to be different emotions and experiences that come up.
2. My opinions are probably wrong and it's better to let the other person lead.
I got so many messages growing up that I should shut up and listen, that I shouldn't cause problems, that sighted people were better than me, that my brothers were better than me, etc. etc. I felt like my ex husband was better than me. I've walked around with an inferiority complex. I don't need to have a superiority complex. But in every situation, I have my thoughts and my feelings and they are just as relevant as someone else's.
And that leads me into another challenge, what's the purpose of my romantic rlationship? I used to believe that the purpose was to worship God together, and my spiritual beliefs have changed since I believed that. I believed that intimate relationships were supposed to help the people in them feel better. That's not necessarily true, I'm not in a relationships to help me feel whole, there's a weird false misconception that relationships are meant to fill us. I think the purpose is to support each other, as whole individuals, through life. We can support each other and care for each other, as intimate friends, and also as whole people.
1. Conflict is bad.
I was taught that if you bring conflict up, you're dramatic. Your job is to suck it up. My parents never fought really. I thought that was a sign that they got along so well that they were super healthy. It was the opposite. They never talked to each other. They ignored conflict until it exploded and now they hate each other. When you have two people in a relationship, that's two personalities, and if those personalities are being vulnerable and growing together, there are going to be different emotions and experiences that come up.
2. My opinions are probably wrong and it's better to let the other person lead.
I got so many messages growing up that I should shut up and listen, that I shouldn't cause problems, that sighted people were better than me, that my brothers were better than me, etc. etc. I felt like my ex husband was better than me. I've walked around with an inferiority complex. I don't need to have a superiority complex. But in every situation, I have my thoughts and my feelings and they are just as relevant as someone else's.
And that leads me into another challenge, what's the purpose of my romantic rlationship? I used to believe that the purpose was to worship God together, and my spiritual beliefs have changed since I believed that. I believed that intimate relationships were supposed to help the people in them feel better. That's not necessarily true, I'm not in a relationships to help me feel whole, there's a weird false misconception that relationships are meant to fill us. I think the purpose is to support each other, as whole individuals, through life. We can support each other and care for each other, as intimate friends, and also as whole people.
